"Did you see the news about the Boston Marathon?"
no, i had not. and i was scared to look. and i really had to finish my damn taxes. but against better judgement i did a quick peek at the news... 2 explosions at the finish line. people were very hurt, some maybe dead. it just takes a couple headlines for the fear to come roaring back. it gripped me and started playing images of anna running that race and being there and the worst. i had to focus. without learning any more details, i finished up my taxes and drove to the post office. i cried on the way there. it was senseless... these things always are. how do i process this?
i got angry. how could they? who are they? they attacked my sport. the sport that brings peace and healing to so many people. running is a sanctuary... the boston marathon is sacred and full of dreams realized. i took it personally. i think anyone who finds peace in running did.
i cried for anna and the world that i brought her into. she's too young now, to know what the heck is going on. but very soon i will have to explain evil and death to her, and try to muster up a decent answer to all the "why" questions she'll inevitably throw my way.
i can't even explain it to myself. i couldn't process it.
but as i drove home from the post office (envelopes down the chute of the blue mailbox at 4:49pm...11 minutes to spare in case you wondered) i began to process it... as i imagined the questions i might get from my curious sweet girl... i gave those same questions up to God. why? why? why?
when i got home, after tucking the peanut in and saying goodnight to hubs, i checked in to see what the masses were saying on twitter and facebook. "pray for boston"was already trending heavily.
i believed that was important. i believe in the power of prayer. there was also a lot of talk about "looking for the helpers" and finding good in the terror. this is all good and true. don't we see the best of humanity with the worst of humanity?
i was filing all this away for my conversation with future aj. but it wasn't enough. the anxiety was still gripping me. with each image or headline it grew worse so i turned it off and went to bed. i started to pray. for boston. like everyone said to do. but really i was praying for God to make the fear go away.
then, i clearly i heard a little voice say... 'pray for your enemies'. hm. when i was online, amidst the #prayforboston, i saw a lot of anger, fear and speculation about who did this heinous act. the president assured justice would be served, and they were called cowards and terrorists. and rightfully so. i was angry too. but no one was praying for them.
don't they need the most prayer?
as i prayed this new prayer, imagining people that were so so very in need of a savior... my fear started to vanish. i'm not kidding... it melted away. my favorite martin luther king jr quote came to mind:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
but what does this light and love look like? i think it looks like praying for our enemies. the bad guys.
dear future aj: evil happens when there is an absence of God. not because God isn't there, but because people aren't willing to let him in. this is why it is so important for us to pray, stay close to Jesus, and keep God in the center of our lives. but even more importantly...we have to pray for the bad guys. no one wants to do this because it is hard and goes against our culture in the biggest way, but that is what God told us to do.
he said "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..."
you see, this is the only way the world will change. pray for boston. look for the helpers. but above all, pray for the bad guys.
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